if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
