Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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