That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
