Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
