The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
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