Yo dont text me then not text me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You made out with two different species that night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
