Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
