This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
from now on my penis is your penis
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
