I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
