We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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