You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
