he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
