I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
