All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
