break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
this boner is exhausting
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
