Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
