well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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