Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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