And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
