The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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