I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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