Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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