4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
