Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
