i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
