you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
