he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
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Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize