i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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