I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
