Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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