Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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