oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
