Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
