The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
