Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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