How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
