ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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