i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
