I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
