fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
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Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
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So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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