I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
be right there i have to get my cape
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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