Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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