bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
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