just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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