we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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