well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
