I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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