Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
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If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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