sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
