Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
