His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
