he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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