"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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