i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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