Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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