Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
