So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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