Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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