I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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