glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
