Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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