Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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