I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
In the future we'll all be gay
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
