Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
