just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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