It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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