I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
