somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
