At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize