Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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