The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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