My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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