My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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