My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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